Shame: spiritual meaning and where it shows in the body

What shame is

Shame is the painful feeling of being exposed as flawed, inadequate or unworthy. Where guilt says "I did something bad", shame says "I am bad". It can flash up as embarrassment or humiliation, or settle in as a lasting sense that something about you is wrong. It makes people want to hide, go quiet or disappear.

Long-held shame often travels with low self-esteem, depression, anxiety and social withdrawal. It frequently has roots in childhood criticism, bullying or trauma, and it responds well to compassionate, skilled support.

Spiritually, shame is looked at as a judgement on who you are, and at where that judgement came from.

The emotional meaning of shame

In the emotional approach, shame is a judgement turned against the self: certain sides of me are ugly and detestable, so I reject my sensitivity, my spontaneity, my creativity. Feeling rejected and misunderstood by others follows close behind. The belief at the bottom is often "I do not deserve better".

A shame that goes back a long way

A birthmark, the red port-wine stain also called an envie in French, is linked to a strong emotion, often anger or sorrow, lived by the mother during pregnancy and felt by the child too. It carries a shame that goes back very far, that seems to touch the whole family, and that leads to self-devaluation. Because these marks are often visible, they come with the wish to blend into the crowd and not be noticed. Medically, a port-wine stain is a malformation of tiny blood vessels present from birth. Nothing a mother felt or did causes it, and laser treatment can fade many of them.

The question here is whether the shame you carry is truly yours. The way forward is to stop carrying a shame imprisoned in that redness, and to accept a life of your own, independent of your family's.

Not deserving better

Warts are caused by a virus, and spiritually they are read as barriers you put on your own road: sorrows and grudges tied to parts of yourself you judge ugly, with guilt attached. "I am ashamed of who I am" is the core sentence. If you are ashamed of what you do, or want something and believe you do not deserve it, warts are linked to that belief. Where they appear adds a nuance: on the hands, a feeling of not being up to the task; on the face, a wound to self-esteem. The virus also raises a question: do I feel invaded by someone who has power over me, and disgusted at having been taken in?

Acne belongs here too. Shame is one of the feelings it is linked to, with the sense of being ugly, even disgusting, and a worry about the image you project.

The most secret feelings

The womb is described as the home of a woman's creativity and safety, and as the place of her deepest, most secret feelings. Guilt, shame and loneliness can gnaw there. The questions are tender: how do I feel as a woman? Do I feel guilty, ashamed or betrayed about having, or not having, children? Am I disappointed by the family I did not have? An unfinished mourning can be part of this, and it is worth reading grief alongside.

Shame is close to timidity, which keeps you small, and to rejection, which often begins with rejecting yourself.

A gentler way to hold it

The aim is not to be ashamed of feeling ashamed. Shame grows in hiding and loosens when it is met kindly. The emotional perspective invites you to question the verdict.

• Separate doing from being. A mistake is something you did. It is not who you are.
• Ask whose shame it is. Some shame is handed down in families. You can put down what was never yours.
• Say it to someone safe. Shame loses much of its grip once it is spoken and met without judgement.
• Let a hidden quality out. The sensitivity or creativity you buried is often what wants to come back.
• Practise deserving. Allow yourself one small thing you want, without first earning it.