Rejection: spiritual meaning and where it shows in the body

What rejection is

Rejection is the experience of being pushed away, excluded or not chosen, and the feeling that goes with it. Almost everyone knows the sting of it. Some people feel it far more intensely than others, read rejection into neutral situations, or organise their lives around avoiding it. This is sometimes called rejection sensitivity. It often travels with anxiety, low self-esteem and low mood, and talking therapies can help.

Spiritually, rejection is looked at from the inside: what you expect from others often begins with what you already believe about yourself.

The emotional meaning of rejection

The same pattern returns again and again. A person is highly sensitive, has not learned to love themselves, and fears being hurt. So they shape their life around what others expect, in order to be loved. In doing so they set aside a part of themselves. The fear of being rejected comes true in a quiet way, because they have already rejected themselves.

The more I reject myself, the more I feel rejected

The more you push away who you are, the more you notice, or attract, people by whom you feel rejected. The reaction is to retreat and cut yourself off, when what you really want is to come closer. A barrier goes up to avoid being threatened or hurt, and it keeps out the very contact you need.

Where rejection shows on the skin

The skin is the surface others see first, so this fear is most often read there.

• Eczema. Eczema is linked to a strong separation, to the feeling that your deepest self or your values have been rejected, and to an ambivalence about touch: you need it, and it frightens you. The visible, "ugly" skin seems to confirm how you see yourself inside. The patches can act as a barrier between you and others.
• Acne. The face is the part of you that meets others first, where you are accepted or rejected. Acne is read as a visible irritation, criticism, shame or rejection aimed at yourself or others, and a lack of acceptance of yourself, often at a time of life when identity is still forming. On the back, it is linked to rejecting yourself, or to rejecting people you blame for not supporting you. It can also be a way of marking out territory, filtering who may come close.
• Hives. Hives are linked to a hypersensitive person who lives a great deal of rejection, needs others' attention but cannot bear their criticism, and often feels someone wants to be rid of them. The red patches leave you feeling marked, ugly and unwanted.

When rejection turns against the body itself

Anorexia nervosa is described as the most complete form of self-rejection: a rejection of one's own body image, sometimes of life itself, with a wish to disappear so as to bother no one. Underneath is a hunger for unconditional love and acceptance. Anorexia is a serious illness that needs specialist medical and psychological care. If any of this is close to home, please speak to a doctor.

A gentler way to hold it

The aim is not to blame yourself for being sensitive. Sensitivity is not the problem. The emotional perspective invites you to look at the rejection that starts inside.

• Catch the first rejection. Notice when you dismiss yourself before anyone else has spoken.
• Stop paying for love. Doing everything others expect is an expensive way to be accepted, and it rarely works.
• Lower the barrier one notch. Let one safe person come a little closer.
• Say where your space is. Marking your limits with words is kinder than marking them with distance.
• Be your own most important person. Trust yourself enough to step forward and take part.